We're All Grieving--Support During This Uncertain Time
Welcome to
2020. We’re living in a time where there is uncertainty (which our brain dislikes),
fear, lack of supplies, 24/7 social/news and isolation, all to fight an
invisible foe.
If you wanted to
create a perfect storm, we’re living it.
So, yeah, it’s OK
to grieve.
We’re all grieving
something now...
...the loss of a
job, financial security, loss of a family member due to the virus, loss of
freedom to go where you want to go, when you want to go, the loss of being at
home without every single family member there, loss of that trip you were going
to go on, the inability to visit a loved one in the hospital, the inability to
have neighbors, friends or family over, the loss of identity or purpose.
Or, there might even be things you were
dealing with before all of this came crashing down.
The list goes
on.
Although we’re
all “in the same boat,” there are different areas and points of view from that boat.
This situation easily calls forth the entire spectrum of human emotion.
It’s OK if in
the middle of the day, or late at night, you suddenly feel heart-broken,
overwhelmed, or frustrated, or livid, and just want a hug. As mammals, the sense of touch is extremely important, particularly to babies.
Same holds true
for adults.
--Whatever
feelings come up, see if you can really unpack them and get the core of them.
If you’re “angry,” try and see if you can get as specific as possible. Also,
does it remind you of any other times in your life you're reliving from your
past? This is a perfect time to dig deeper to prevent out of control emotional
eating, drinking, drug use, porn, or anything else that is used as self-medication. My concern is the number of divorces, domestic violence incidents, and suicides that could increase.
--If possible, try
to limit the amount of social media and news you allow in. The kicker is that
we need to be connected and a need to belong, which social media can provide.
However, it can easily suck us down rabbit holes. Personally, I continue to
walk the line between being informed and getting sucked in. It’s a tight-rope
walk and sometimes I fall.
Think of social media/news as a very
rich, high caloric dessert.
A little bit is OK; too much will make
you sick.
--Try to create
structure in your life. I prefer the word "rhythm" to "routine," but whatever works
for you, try to find it. Otherwise, the days will just run into each other. If
you have kids, they thrive in it, even if they say they don’t. Those boundaries
create safety, which is at a premium now.
--I’ve found it
helpful to have 3 daily intentions:
· Get
outside and/or walk
· . Reach
out to someone via email, text, phone call, etc.
· Work
on my next novel, FINDING HER SPIRIT
--If you’re a
position to do it, I also encourage you to use this time to do things that you normally
wouldn’t have time for. Perhaps set a bigger intention…”By the end of April,
I will…”
But, DO
NOT JUDGE YOURSELF if you’re not there. Or, you don’t get there. Or, you find
that you need to distract yourself by binging on that show. Or, it's 5:00pm and you haven't done squat.
--Emotional/spiritual
health needs to be fostered, too. Meditation, prayer, watching masses or church services online. Reaching out to others, particularly those who are alone, is important. Again, the need to be connected is a human need. If we don't find it in healthy ways, we'll find it in unhealthy ways. Channeling your energy into making masks, organizing Zoom gatherings, community virtual food drivers, anything to help others is a way to get out of our heads. Sometimes literally just texting someone and saying you're thinking about them is enough.
--Staying
physically healthy is also important. Our bodies are meant to move, and if we’re
dormant too long, it begin to affect us emotionally. Also, if you can get
outside, even better. Nature and her beauty is so healing. Kids especially benefit
from it.
--If you can,
find some fun. Whatever that looks like for you. I love to sing, dance, and play
piano. I also make sure to try to laugh every day, too. Fortunately, there are
so many creative videos and memes out there that help. My two cats and husband
are fodder, as well.
--Take this time to learn a new skill, language, or further develop one you already have. Or, clean out that basement or junk drawer that's been calling your name.
Again, be gentle with yourself if the only thing you can do is get up and maybe shower. Maybe.
Who knows what the next normal will look like? No one really knows. We’re all co-creating this as we go along. This experience brings out what it really means to be human, as the stories of kindness, compassion, and altruism are off the charts. My heart grows in leaps and bounds. My deepest thanks to the medical community, retail workers, truckers, any delivery workers for are keeping us afloat during this time.
In the same way
with grief and/or trauma, not everyone is at the same place at the same time.
The trick is to stagger our moments and meltdowns, so we can be there for each other when
we fall. It’s happened to me when I had a bad day, people were there for me.
I picture it as
we’re all walking along a path. Sometimes one of us stumbles but doesn’t fall.
There will be times, however, when we really do fall. Then, we will be there to
lift each other up.
From six or
more feet away, of course. 😊
Author of BURIED DEEP IN OUR HEARTS
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